“Trouble is bound to come, so cultivating the right attitude is crucial. Anger diminishes our power to distinguish right from wrong, and this ability is one of the highest human attributes. If it is lost, we are lost. Sometimes it is necessary to respond strongly, but this can be done without anger. Anger is not necessary, it has no value.” — The Dalai Lama, How To Practice
“…anger only serves to torment ourselves, to divert others, and alienate their esteem.” — Thomas Jefferson, letter to Martha Jefferson, 1787 (The Life and Writings of Thomas Jefferson)
It is easy to let the world bring you to your boiling point. Every day we face challenges ranging from the mundane to the catastrophic. They’re seemingly designed to foil our best intentions and to cause us pain. Sometimes we believe these occurrences to be the result of other people, whether it be motivated by malice or as the result of what we perceive as ignorance; other times our difficulties are entirely our own creation, and we feel an urge to redirect our anger inward, toward ourselves.
It is an absolute necessity in these situations to remind ourselves that anger serves no useful purpose. As the Dalai Lama puts it, anger only “diminishes our power to distinguish right from wrong, and this ability is one of the highest human attributes.” Allowing any emotion to control our thoughts, especially one as overwhelming as anger, reduces us to mere animals without the capacity to apply reason or logic to our world. The inevitable consequence of allowing anger to take hold of our mind in a given situation is that we lose the ability to think clearly, and losing this key human function only strengthens whatever it is that is irritating us.
When you feel anger beginning to take hold of your mind, try these techniques to regain control over your faculties and allow yourself to apply your reason and consciousness to the problem at hand.
- Step back
- Don’t absorb the anger of others
- Identify the root cause
- Accept what the world gives you
- Ask for help
There aren’t too many situations that demand our immediate attention. Often times when we say something needs to be addressed “immediately,” what we really mean is that we need to switch our focus to this new task; but that’s no reason why we can’t take a minute or two to collect our thoughts and allow ourselves to wrap our heads around the problem.
Many times, anger arises simply because we are thrown into a new, potentially hostile situation, without warning or a chance to prepare. Don’t let this happen — step back, and enter only when you are fully conscious that you are in control of your mind. If it’s a particularly frustrating problem, stop; remove yourself from the situation for a moment, clear your head, and return knowing that you will not allow your frustration to control your thoughts.
This can be a daunting task. As social animals, we tend to act like emotional sponges to the people around us, especially when dealing with strong emotions like anger. Unfortunately, it’s rare that we can simply walk away from these groups; if your coworkers are growing heated trying to deal with a problem, you can’t always leave the group to avoid being contaminated with these negative emotions.
If walking away isn’t an option, try to drive the conversation in a more productive route. Angry people like being angry, but don’t be fooled — anger is an irritant, and if you offer someone a remedy they will gladly take it. Instead of joining in on the negativity, offer solutions. Ask questions that will lead the discussion towards identifying a resolution to the problem, and don’t allow group members to head back down the path towards unproductive anger.
When we become angry, it’s easy for us to jump to conclusions about the situation. Why are we angry? Because a customer made a mistake, and now we must fix the situation. But why did the customer make the mistake? Were the instructions wrong, or was the documentation insufficient? Identify the root cause of your anger by asking why the situation has come about. Doing this will allow you to rectify the situation at its core, which can prevent similar situations from arising in the future.
I can’t count the number of times I’ve heard people imply that, because of some event in their day they believe the world — or better yet, the entire universe — is “out to get them;” as if all the forces of the cosmos were aligned in such a way as to irritate a single individual. The world is not conspiring against you; it’s simply progressing in the only way it can. It’s up to you to accept what the world gives you; frustration will always arise if you try to fight the inevitable.
Anger is sometimes the result of being overwhelmed. If you have more tasks to complete than you can handle, things are bound to go off-track; and since your resources are already stretched too thin, it’s unlikely that you’ll take the additional inconvenience in stride. If you see this about to occur, it’s best to ask for help.
Is there someone that is better suited to handle a specific task than you? Perhaps you can combine assignments with a coworker, reducing both of your overall workloads. Asking for help when you need it is okay (just don’t abuse the kindness of others) and can prevent irritating situations from arising in the first place.
What do you do when you feel yourself getting angry? What are your techniques for regaining control of your emotions and putting yourself back in control of your mind and the situation? Put your thoughts in the comments below!
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